.
Crying in silence, feeling
so alone
Trying to survive this life,
Living in a broken home.
Happiness is something
I fake; I’ve gotten
rather good...
No one could tell,
Not even my best friend could.
Scars printed across my arms
And legs, stained by this
blood
Red blade.
You asked me if something
was wrong…
“nothing” I say,
“I’m just tired.”
Well, I guess I’m tired
everyday.
Look in my eyes, sadness
swept over,
My warm heart growing even
colder.
I strive for someone to trust;
to lend
A helping hand, a shoulder
to cry on,
Someone to understand.
But no one seems to care;
and I’ve given
Up on trying.
No one will notice if I’m
crying.
But I’m holding on
to all I’ve got,
And what I have isn’t
much – but it’s something.
Tell me now; am I nothing?
Your
Perfect…
…Because everything you do
Makes me smile
…Because every second spent with you
Is
worth while
…Because when you laugh at me
I laugh too
…Because everyone else can see
That I’m
devoted to you
…Because I love your eyes
And the way they shine
…Because you don’t tell lies
And you’re so cute when you whine
…Because when you get mad
You can’t hide it
…Because
even when you’re sad
I can find it
…Because the way you hold me
Sends shivers down my spine
…Because
your spirits so free
And you’re so darn fine
…Because I never stop thinking about you
It’s not
fair
…Because you’re just perfect
And no one else can compare…
If these walls could speak,
what would tell?
They have so many stories,
They know her well.
They’ve seen her laugh,
They’ve seen her cry,
They saw her when those who
She loved died,
They knew her secrets
And how she felt inside.
They saw her when she made
Her first cut,
They heard her say “I’ve
had enough.”
They were there the days
She locked herself in,
Crying into the nights end.
They saw her friends who
Made her laugh,
If these walls could smile
They’d be shimmering
with
Happiness to see the little
girl
Find someone to make life
worth the while.
They saw her tears when her
heart was broken,
Friendships brake and crumble.
They saw her life turn into
deeper depression.
They watched her live life
and
Fall asleep crying,
They heard her whisper “I
wish I were dying.”
These walls have stories
of sadness and love,
They’ll watch her till
her time is up.
These walls know her like
a best friend,
But unlike those who have
hurt her so much,
These walls will be here
until the end is up.
I’m not the person
they think I am,
I don’t make it through
by smiling each day,
Sometimes I don’t even
know why I stay.
Happy little girl,
I’ll laugh if you call
me that.
What’s so happy about
a
Little girl who doesn’t
eat
Because she calls herself
fat?
She wears a jacket
And her smile is a mask,
Covering scars and tears
Still hiding there from her
past.
Things get so hard
And everything is becoming
Out of her control,
She can only go for so long
Doing what she’s told.
She believes it when
They say that she’s
not
Good enough,
So she tries to starve
Herself instead of leaving
scars.
Relief found in the razor,
Bloody are her hands now.
She hears her mom coming
So she puts the blade away.
Day by day passes
As she waits for someone
To notice and care.
But to point it out and admit
Her problem to herself?
She wouldn’t dare.
She wants to be good enough.
She wants a true friend.
She wants somebody to love
her.
End.
The
night sky was dark and deplete, quiet and cold. The stars that usually glowed beautifully were too shy, or maybe too shamed
to shine tonight. Silence hushed over the town as snow began to dance in the air by gusts of the now not so calm wind.
Families were not out on this night, just like
the stars. Mother’s baked dinner while Father’s read the Sunday paper. Children
played in their rooms while teenagers chatted away the night on the phone with friends telling gossip and other news.
Outside of the town, on a dark reserved road
not often used road, a car lay flipped from hitting a tree and rolling down into a ditch. Two bodies, not far but several
feet from the crashed vehicle, lay still and quiet. This is where I am now.
When I came conscious, I laid there for several
minutes recalling the dream that seemed so real, but when I tried to move my arm, pain surged through me like a bolt of lightening,
and realization took over.
I felt the stinging pain on my face as the wind
blew against my skin, drying some of the blood splattered across my face. Pain slowly took away the comfortable numbness in
my body as my head started to throb with unimaginable hurt.
My memory was hazy, but bits and pieces started
coming together. I thought about Steven and tried to prop myself up to see where
he was, but when I tried I gasped, falling back into the blood soaked ground. Moving felt like one hundred knives stabbing
at me all over my body, so instead I used my eyes to search for him. It wasn’t
hard to see, the moon was so bright that night that it almost looked like dawn. I
saw a black figure laying several feet from where I was, still and silent, and knew it was him.
Tears swelled in my eyes, I knew he was gone. The tears fell from my eyes, stinging my face as they fell to onto my grave of dirt.
I thought about my mom and regret fell upon me.
She will be so disappointed for lying to her… and Stacy? Oh I hope she doesn’t blame this on herself… She
had the idea but I went along with it. It’s okay, Stacy… It’s okay.
What’s
that? Are those headlights? Here? In the middle of no where? No! Don’t go! Come back! The headlights disappeared.
I hoped that they were just going to get help… I hoped they saw us.
Hours seemed to pass as I thought about my childhood,
dreams, friends, school and life. I regretted taking advantage of it all, and if I got out of this okay… I’d live
life to its fullest. But chances were… I wouldn’t. I stared up at
the only star shining, and my loneliness left me.
I laid there for a long time until I heard the
faint sound of sirens. Happiness over took me, making me smile for the first time of my consciousness, moving my face causing
more pain.
It seemed a long time for the sirens to come,
and finally I saw a blurry vision of them coming towards us. I heard with little hearing I had left them yelling and talking
to policeman. Hurry! I don’t have much longer! And with that one thought,
I felt my body begin to rise, but not from the ground… But from the shell of my soul.
No! Not Yet! I tried screaming
at them to make them help me, I didn’t want to go yet. But as I lifted higher, my pain started to go away and soon I
heard from the paramedic, “She’s gone.”
I
watched them take my lifeless body away along with Steven’s, and hoped that once I was in heaven, he’d be there
too. I looked up to the sky and saw my star coming towards me, and I realized that the beautiful star was my angel.
She
took me away, but my soul would always remain with the ones I physically left.
